Thursday, February 11, 2016

Sunsets

I remember I was 14 the first time I actually started to pay
attention to the gift that had been before my eyes for such
a long time. I would sit on the roof of my house and watch 
the sun disappear behind the cities each night. Each night
was different. Sometimes the wind softly blew, making the
leaves of the trees rustle and the chimes from the playground
sing softly. Other times everything was completely still, but 
the sun made up for the lack of music as it put on a glorious
show all its own. Dashes of purple and pink would interweave 
with streaks of orange and splashes of light blue, and, in the 
middle of it all, the sun told the story of a majesty and beauty 
that I yearned to know better.
Why did I not notice that much beauty until 14?
  Because until 14, I never had to rely on the Creator of that 
beauty. In one year, everything I knew to be true was challenged.
The things that I held most dear, that I relied on for strength and 
comfort, was taken away. But God, through each sunset, 
reminded me of His faithfulness. Because each night was 
unique - different; not what you would expect.

And even though it was unexpected, it was beautiful.

Friday, January 1, 2016

New Year's Freedom




                                         New Year's
                                    memories of last
                               realizing He was there
                          looking at the bigger picture
                                        knowing
                                  as then, so now.
                                  He was faithful
                                   He is faithful
                                He will be faithful.
                        Oh, consistent and creative Father
                          remind me this 2016th year
                                   You are here
                                    You are there
                          You will continue Your work
                                      pruning
                                      guiding
                                      correcting
                                      revealing
                                      reviving
                                    making new
                             just because I am Your's.
                              You have promised.
                               You will be true.
                     For this year, my resolutions of do's and don'ts
                      won't appear on these pages of blue and white
                         my hope and future is anchored in You
                           So when I fail a million times
                     Instead of looking into my list and crying in defeat
                          I will turn to the pages filled with grace
                          Travel back to the cross and kneel
                                hands surrendered
                           Run to the empty tomb shouting hallelujah
                             And walk in freedom with You,
                      my Redeemer of the million failures of 2016
                             only You can conquer
                              only You can change
                                My joy?
                             To run with You till end of days.
                           Strengthen my weak knees, my Great Conqueror
                           Make much of yourself through this jar of clay
                           Let my heart be found hidden in You, Emmanuel.
                              Strengthen my faith
                                My trust
                              My desire for You
                              Erase my fear
                         of the valley of deep darkness and tears
                             for You are there
                          amaze me with the power of Your perfect love
                             Caster of fears
                            remind me, Father
                           when I'm tempted
                           to make my list of rules and regulations again
                             You are my anchor
                              You are here
                              You are there
                             I need not fear
                           You are my security
                          past, present, and future.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Fully Known.




                                         Broken

                                                      This is My body
                      Broken for you
              I have loved you long before you said
                         "I do."
              My healing power is breaking through
                       Hope is here
                     Broken for you.

                  The heart that's weary and torn
         Weighted down by worries you were never asked to bear
                        Oh, troubled daughter,
                         find your rest
                       in the arms that know
                        and love you best.

                         I was forsaken
                          Just for you
                  I defeated death to let you through
                        Now you are free
                        No longer chained
                         So run with Me
                         I hold today.
                       
                        Now you are free.
                       Remember yesterday
                        See the blessings
                         I drew your way
                    Remember you were made of dust
                    I make beauty out of nothing
                          Remember Me.
                  Don't let yesterday chain your hands
                    See my footprints in the sand
                     I was there, right beside you
                   I'll be the one who carries through.

                       Rejoice, O beloved one!
                     You are my cherished daughter
                            My chosen
                           My sanctified
                         My beautiful one.

                       This body broken for you
                          Give me your heart
                             I love you.
                               ~ Jesus



                           

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Psalms 91

                 Psalms 91. It's a beautiful passage about God's love and protection for those who know Him. It's been one of my favorite passages in Psalms for a while, but just the other day I read something that helped me think of the passage differently. It made it even more meaningful to me than before.  http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=2188

After you read that blog post, come back here, and we can go through it together. It will open your eyes.

                Who are you, Lord ?

                    Psalms 91:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, " My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and buckler.You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place -- the Most High, who is my refuge -- no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.
For He will command His angles concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation." "

                Ok, so in this passage, who is the Lord ? :

                 -Our shelter
                 -The Most High
                 -Our hiding place
                 - Almighty
                 - Our refuge
                 - Our fortress
                 - Our God
                 - Our deliverer
                 - Our protector
                 - Faithful
                 - Our fighter for us
                 - Commander
                 - A God who always answers
                 - The God who satisfies
                 - Our salvation

                What should I do, Lord ? :
              
                - Dwell in His shelter
                - Turn to Him as my refuge and fortress
                - Trust Him
                - Call on Him
                - Be still; wait.
                - Hold fast to Him in love

 Do you see that ? What is the first thing that strikes you when you look at this list ?
The thing that strikes me the most is how long His list is compared to mine.
What about you ?
What does your list look like in your own life ?
I tend to forget whose place is whose. Do you ?
Instead my list turns into
Victoria has to do all the work.
He can't really satisfy - time to find someone that can.
I don't see Him working, so I better figure something out.
It all depends on me.
How about you ? Psalms 91 tells the complete opposite. Our list ? It's not as hard and stressful as we think it must be. We think, it has to be more than that. 
Could that just be pride ?
He says: rest.
We say: work it out.
He says: Be still; wait.
We say: I don't have time.
Why does it seem near impossible to do what He says ? There really is no reason, I realize. We just think that we can do it all. And that's not a reason; it's a lie and an excuse.
We're not God.
So, are you weary, frustrated, or stressed today ?
He says: Make me your dwelling place. Be still; trust Me. I am faithful.
And honestly, isn't that the best news you've heard today ? 
He is enough.
Rest in Him.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

A lady named Jing

Well, if you have read my dad's post on Facebook, you're probably wondering- so what happened ??!
If you haven't, well, I'll share the whole story :)
It all started with a delayed flight.

My dad and I were flying back from Pennsylvania. I had just finished visiting my first college- Lancaster Bible College, which is pretty amazing by the way. ( If you're looking at colleges, you should definitely check this one out.) We flew from Harrisburg to Washington D.C., where we were supposed to get onto to our next flight in 2 hours. We walked around the airport for a little while, since we had time, and then we ate lunch/supper. After that we walked over to the gate where we were supposed to get onto our flight. As we were walking over, my dad looked at our tickets. They had different seating arrangements for us, and we realized that we weren't going to be able to sit together. So we walked up to the desk and asked one of the lady's if there was a possible way we could switch so we could sit together. We saw that there was a row open by the exit, and my dad asked if we could just switch our seats to that row instead. The lady asked how old I was, and when she found out that I was a minor, she wouldn't let me sit there- for safety reasons or something. All of a sudden, one of the ladies at the desk looked at her computer. She then proceeded to tell us that the crew for the flight were not there yet, and that our flight was delayed for around 45 minutes. Just as she finished telling us this, a lady came running up to the desk and breathlessly said, " I made it !" We all looked at her. She then said, " Isn't this the flight leaving for Minneapolis ?" The lady at the desk replied with yes, it was, but that it had been delayed for another 45 minutes or so. The breathless and now greatly annoyed lady said, " What ?! Well, you should of told me sooner ! You should have updated quicker- I almost died running to get here !"  Let me just say it took a lot of self control from me to keep from laughing  really hard when she said that. A lot. We were all a little frustrated, but hey, it was only a 45 minute delay. Or so we thought. It passed the estimated time, and the lady at the desk estimated another time, and then another, and then another, and then another. It just kept getting later and later, and I just kept getting more exhausted as the minutes and hours passed by. While we were sitting down, my dad kept asking me, "Hey, do you see that Chinese lady anywhere ?" And, " I just know she's Chinese. I just know it." My response was mainly every time, " dad, how do you know she's Chinese ? She could be Korean or Japanese or something." I was pretty sure that she wasn't Chinese. Then he told me that he was praying that I would be able to sit next to her and speak Mandarin to her and tell her about Christ. I laughed at first, and said again that I was pretty sure she wasn't Chinese. He replied : "Well, I'm going to pray that she is. I know she will be Chinese." Well, finally we got onto the plane. I found my seat and sat down, waiting to see who would sit by me. I was talking to God, and basically said " Lord, please, I'm just so exhausted. I just want to sleep. I don't have the energy to talk to her." There's a verse in the Bible that says "And those who serve, by the strength God supplies." Haha. Can I just say, God has an amazing sense of humor. Then I asked Him to just show me that He was really in this, and that it was His will- if it was, I asked Him to have her sit by me. After I said that, I quickly whispered, "Never mind, Lord; this is silly. She won't sit by me."

I saw her walk down the aisle, looking for her seat. She passed me, and I have to admit, I was a little relieved. Hallelujah. I can sleep. Thank You Jesus.

Then she turned around, looked at the seat number again, and put her stuff beside me.
She sat down beside me.

I sat there in complete shock; my mouth was wide open.

Nothing is too big for God. Nothing.

There was over 100 people in that plane, and she sat down beside me. Me. I'm still amazed at this.

So now, you're probably wondering, what happened ?! Was she Chinese ??

I sat there for 5 minutes in sheer shock and confusion. How should I bring this up ? I was scared. I started praying, "Ok, Lord. You obviously have this for a reason. But what if she isn't Chinese ? If I ask and she isn't, then what will I say ? 'Okay, um, well, that's interesting, I was just, uh....wondering.' It could be so awkward." Then I remembered something I had actually learned and heard in the Intercultural Studies class the day before. They were all talking about what keeps you from witnessing to someone. We're scared. We may be ignorant. But the heart of the issue: we don't believe that God is God. I realized I just had to trust Him. He would give me the words to say. And if I didn't say anything, I would be responsible and held accountable for not telling her. She could die and go to hell, and I'd be partially responsible.

So I said something I've heard my dad say to many people throughout the years. "I was just wondering, what is your ethnicity ?" She turned and looked at me. "Me ?" she asked. "Yeah," I replied, " I was just wondering." She then said, " Oh, I'm Chinese."

Oh man. I could not believe it. I just had to laugh. "You're Chinese ?! Oh my word, I'm learning Chinese this semester ! I can't believe this." She smiled, like anyone does when they find they have something in common with someone else. "Would you like to practice ?" she asked. "Sure," I replied. "我的名字是 Victoria." ( My name is Victoria.) 你呢?(And you ?) 你的名字是什么?”( what is your name ?) She replied that her name was Jing. After talking about China for a while, I asked her if she had any religious background. She replied that her mother was kind of Buddhist, and so I asked her, " So what do you believe in ?" She said that she was more of a secularist, and I asked her what that meant for her. She said, "Oh, you know, I just don't really...believe in anything." I asked her if she believed in God, and she just sat there for a minute or two, thinking. "You know," she said, "sometimes ? To an extent, I guess..." I asked her if she thought she was a good person, and again she thought for a minute or two. Then she turned to me and said, "Yes, I guess I do." I asked her if she had heard of the Ten Commandments before, because I was meaning to go through them with her and then ask her, if God judged her by the Ten Commandments would she be innocent or guilty; would she go to heaven or hell; does that concern her, etc. She said that she hadn't really heard of them before, and then she looked at me directly and said, " You know, I don't think we should talk about this. I'm not interested in this really; I'm a secularist." I said alright, and sat there for 5 to 10 minutes, thinking and praying.

Now she won't let me say anything about Christ or what He's done for her, so what am I going to say ??

I felt like God spoke to my heart and said- just tell her the story.

So I turned back to her and said, " Do you want to hear something amazing that happened today ?" She was instantly curious, and so I told her. " Well, when you came running up and they had announced that the flight was delayed; we were all frustrated of course. And my dad said to me, ' I think she's Chinese !' I told him over and over that I just didn't think you were. Then he told me that he was going to pray that I would get to sit with you and that you were Chinese. I kept asking him, 'what if she's Korean- or Japanese ? I really just don't think she's Chinese.' Then we finally got on the plane, and I sat waiting to see who would sit by me. I prayed to God, and I asked 'God, show me that You really are who You say You are, and that this is Your will.' And then you sat down by me. I couldn't believe it. And then you said you were Chinese. I was so shocked ! I really think that God led you to me today for a reason; I really don't know exactly why, but I really think that He did this for a reason." She sat there for almost 5 minutes in shocked silence. I could see the shocked look on her face.

You see, she didn't want to hear before; but then she actually heard and witnessed God do something amazing like that. She laughed and finally said, "Coincidence." I replied, "You know, I really don't think it was."
She sat there for a long time saying nothing. I didn't say anything else throughout the rest of the plane ride. There was really nothing else I could say- she wouldn't let me talk about it, so I prayed and prayed and thought and thought. I remembered that I had some tracts in my wallet. I knew I would give her one once we got there. The tract I had was a fake million dollar bill. Of course there is no such thing as a million dollar bill, so it's ok to bring those around :) It has a gospel message on the back. When we finally landed, I said, "Well, it was nice to meet you ! Here, this is for you." She looked at it, and she said, just as I knew she would, " What is this ?" I told her that it was a million dollar bill. I quickly said, " Of course it isn't real, but this is just something for you to remember me and our conversation by. And it has something on the back for you to read, when you get a chance." She thanked me, we got off the plane, I said 再见 ( goodbye), and she left.
So that is the story. God really works in amazing ways. I just still can't believe it. Please, pray for Jing when you think of it. Pray that she finds Christ and comes to know Him as her Redeemer and best friend.

God is so amazing. I know now that this whole trip wasn't just about my college visit. It was about meeting a lady named Jing and sharing Christ with her.



Saturday, March 29, 2014

Peace

                                           
                                     My first blog post ! This first one is something that has been weighing on my heart for a long time. I know that it's a normal part of life, but when I tell you what it is, you will probably nod in understanding. The future. 
Before I start on this, I want to share something Corrie Ten Boom wrote about in her book, "The Hiding Place".
"At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. "Will you carry it off the train, Corrie ?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." And I was satisfied. More than satisfied--wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions--for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."
Since my junior year started, I have been plagued with worry. I knew questions would start coming to me. They were basically all the same. "So, where are you going to college at ?" "What will you major in ?" And all these people who asked this were well-meaning, I know. And then there were the suggestions. All the way from, "You should go to this Bible college, because almost everyone meets their husband there !" and "You should go to this college, because they offer such a great variety of what I know you would be good at ! It would help you get a good, well paying job once you get out of college !"
Aaaahhh !!! And then there's my thoughts. Ok, more like worries. Such as, what should I major in; what college should I go to; where will I get the money from; who will I marry; how do I know what God wants me to do; Am I following His will for my life; how will this help others and impact them ? I've been praying for what has seemed like forever. No, this isn't an announcement that I know now. But rather, what I've been really actually wanting this whole time. Peace.
A few days ago, I was sitting in the car waiting for my dad's ending of his auction to be done, and then we were all going out to supper as a family. I hadn't brought anything to do while waiting, and I was frustrated. As I look back now, I can see why it was actually a good thing. It took me from distractions to talking with my Father. I didn't really want to at first. I was just so annoyed for some reason. I put headphones in my ears to listen to music. What came on ? Worship music. It started me reflecting on life and the future. I started talking with Jesus about it all. "Lord, I just don't understand. I'm scared and confused, and I just don't really know what to do. I want to go to college, but which one ? I don't know what to major in or really what I'm interested in doing, and I'm visiting a college pretty soon. I don't know what to do." Then, I heard something. Not really audibly, but it just came to me like a whisper in my heart. "Jesus knows." Hmm. Then again, but slightly different. "Jesus knows already every step your going to take, and He's guiding you." Now, I've heard this before, so many times. But there's a difference between knowing in your mind and knowing in your heart. God gave me suddenly such a overwhelming peace in my heart. He knows. It made me smile. Being patient for His timing suddenly became so sweet to me. Trusting Him suddenly tore apart my worry and deep fear. Instead of deep fear came deep peace. 
This brings back Corrie Ten Boom's story at the beginning that I put down. Some knowledge, knowledge about the future, is too big for me. It's too heavy for me to carry. I tried, but I got no where with the baggage, because of it's heaviness. My Father carries it now. And suddenly, I can move. I can worship, because He has all of me now. He carries the burden, and now all I need do is walk with Him. "You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny."
"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe." (Proverbs 18:10)
"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)
So, just a word of encouragement to all of you out there. Whether you're in college already, in high school, or just seeking for what God wants you to do next. Tell Him what your worried and confused about. Then ask Him to carry that burden for you. Trust Him. He loves you, and His ways our higher than ours. You can trust Him with your future.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." 
"And they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint." 
"Wait, I say, wait upon the Lord !"
"Trust in Him, and He will act."